6 letters "SIMPLE"

Thursday, February 04, 2010 1:37 AM

Reached hmz ard 12am.So surprizin but yesh,juz finished conversatin wif him.Really feel like takin back al e lies i juz sae! Once again i told him itz best 4 e both of us 2 b frenz n i haf no other feelin.I really juz wan 2 tel him tat it wasn't e case,i really wan 2 juz tel him tat i'm startin 2 haf a little feelin aft tat veri dae.It haf been so hard 4 mi 2 keep pushin myself not 2 fal 4 ani 1 coz i no longer haf confidence in such thing eventhough i haf been pendin 4 a man who can share happinesses wif mi,a man who can pampers mi,a man who can keeps mi secured n 2 love mi.Might b i'm slowly gettin used 2 e emptiness n e life i'm hafin now,tatz y.Might b i'm too out-goin tatz y mens dun feel at al secured.Sum times,we cant judge ppl juz by e appearance coz we dun noe dem wel.It haf been years,i haf been misjudged s a bad woman,i felt so unfair but i cant blame coz itz their mindcept aft al.Back 2 e topic,i really dun feel like actin s though i cant b bothered wif a single thing he does whr s it actually matters.I dun feel like lookin away ea time he looked at mi.I dun feel like tellin my frenz tat thr's actually nothing goin on in between.I dun feel like pressurizin myself 2 keep hidin frm e fact tat i actually feel sum thing deep down.Really dun understand y can i b so straight 4ward 2wards other things but not when love matters? Itz goin 2 b veri contradictin here coz out of so mani "DUN FEEL LIKE",i'm unable 2 do s i wish.Mayb he ix able 2 gif it a try but my confidence 2 even start off wif ani bodi ix no longer thr so i guess thr's no point kept on complain 2 my frenz abt bein single n hafin so mani "dun feel like" kind of things.I shd juz accept e fact tat i'm e 1 who simply cant get rid of e barrier in myself.1 dae i might regret wateva i haf sae but i knew i wont take back al those wdz which haf been out of tis mouth.Itz not abt stubborn,i juz wan 2 challenge myself 2 c how firm i can stand tis time,b it e ritezZ or e wrong time ppl might tink n sae,itz a risk i wish 2 take.Wat i can sae ix 4gif mi if i chose 2 let e truth lays hidden.If possible,i hope tat u wil nv find out coz at least we can remain s wat we're now,isn't it better.Future ix unpredictable,who noe? I felt tat she haf sum interests in him but i tink she denied it coz she noe tat i'm her frenz.Though we're not tat cloze but itz ok,i mean i dun mind coz he ix not mine.I eva tried match-makin e both of dem sincerely but he doesn't seems 2 b happi at al tatz y i let e matter rests.If i realize much earlier tat she actually haf sum sort of interests in him den i whdn't even haf carry on tis frenzship wif him.Wel... Juz go by e flow.Cant deny i wil definitely feel e ache if he got himself a lady 1 dae but too bad i haf sae things which nv allows mi 2 regret so juz live on wif it. =)

Sunday, January 31, 2010 11:04 PM

It's something we all live, Day by day, we live our lives. Sometimes we're sad, Sometime we're happy, content with what we have. We smile, we laugh, we cry. We've all been there. It's important to live life to it's fullest, to enjoy every moment that comes, because we never know when we'll die. Sometimes life is so unbearable and we believe that we're a failure, and don't mean anything to anybody. But, we eventually wipe our tears off our face and face life with all we've got. We face reality. No matter what happens, we have to face the fact and move on whether we want to or not. Because, if we are trapped in that one moment for so long, we don't get to experience what life is all about. Life is something so real, we live it everyday. It's almost like a roller coaster, and we should all enjoy those special moments while we're alive. So just remember to enjoy the ride, life is just like a long roller coaster that never stops.

What happens in the past, cannot be erased, by using any valid method, failure will result. No matter how hard one tries, it's impossible, for memories captured are irreplaceable in life. Deeply engraved beyond distinct moments, lies a wide assortment of feelings encountered... through every definite detail of thoughts in time. Our hearts protect these with tender arms, so we can look back upon them as lessons, as guidelines for the unpredictable future ahead.

Life sends us through different stages leaving our heart speechless, yet tears come to it's rescue to piece together the words that it cries. Without salty tears our hearts would never have had the ability to express what it feels; it is the heart's unique way of speaking.

Sometimes in life you just don't realize- that most things are blown out of proportion. Everything is made much bigger than it needs to be- which results in more pain and regret in our lives. Among the noticeable things, love is one of them. Rushing relationships and falling in love too fast- adds two more broken hearts to the mix of- lovers looking to find their soul mate in life. It could have easily been avoided but instead, the two lovers didn't see heartbreak coming- for they were too busy falling too quickly- when the other wasn't there to catch them. Love is an experience that is never forgotten. Most of the time it's rushed by strong feelings- which just ends up breaking a heart in the end. Somethings in life are meant to be rushed, but love is not one to mess with. Love is one of those things that we don't realize is rushed so much which is why there are so- many broken hearts in this world today.
Although life is full of plenty of hassles, Don't frown when you stumble on them. Look within yourself and you'll really see- Everything truly does happen for a reason- And rather than crying and being sad, Find the happiness within, and smile.
I've searched extensively, both high and low, But haven't been able to find what I'm looking for. I can't find that special someone, Who would make me smile from ear to ear. I've found only a few who come close to my expectations, but have not been satisfied that anyone is perfect yet. First I found someone who I had no doubt I'd love. Instantly from the beginning, I fell too hard. Making the situation even more perplexing. Then I realized getting to know them would take time, Meaning I would be going out of my way, Which was definatly something I didn't think I could do. Still today, I'm hanging on with all my strength, Hoping that something will happen and all this time that I spent doing nothing doesn't turn to waste. Then, just recently, I found someone with a charming personality, With the sweetest words I could ever image, Making my heart melt as I read them word for word. Then, all of a sudden, it hit me all at once. I knew there was distance between the two of us. Knowing there was distance, friends was what we remained. I'm young, and I have so many years awaiting me, So, I'm just going to step back and wait and see.

10:33 PM

Juz reached hmz frm Clementi Ite.Haf been thr eva since 10am in e mornin.So damm exhausted but aft al e volleybal matches were spectacular.Yesh,didn't meet up wif Reen coz we quarrelled big time! E whole incident was so SUDDEN n FUCKED UP! I seriously ain't throwin attitude at no 1 yet nobodi understand! Y cant thr b a sudden change of mood but admitted tat it was my fault aft al it was too sudden! Fire VS fire,thr wil b no endin 2 e story line so i chose 2 walk away.AH! Dun feel like elaboratin further.

Friday, January 22, 2010 1:53 AM

Reached hmz ard 1am juz now.Went 2 Alif n eat wif Reen n Dian.Tok wif dem 4 awhile.Kind of tok abt e past n y til 2dae i nv trust e term "BEST FRENZ".Rankin up e past was supposed 2 b angered but it sounded foolish juz now.I'm really tired but chdn't force myself 2 sled tatz y here i'm.Guess thr're stil things botherin mi sum how.Gosh! Cant stand myself s i looked at myself in e mirror,i looked DAMM DISGUSTIN,DAMM FAT,DAMM UNLIKABLE! SUCKS! I dun noe y wil i feel tat way,wel... Itz like out of a sudden.Oh ya.I saw e man who haf been tryin 2 woo mi so hard in e past when i was stil wif my ex n my ex was in "thr".I looked away but he stil noticed mi n stopped thr,i was so stupid 2 even lifted up my hand.If i didn't do tat,guess he wil tink tat he mistaken e wrong person n walk away.Yesh,he came 2 mi n tok craps,really dun feel like botherin but i knew wheneva he ix high in tat thing,he wil make a nusiance over thr if i dun entertain him.Obviously i needed him 2 behave himself coz i dun wan him 2 lose face in front of his "kids" again,i'm afraid i cant tolerate n scream at him if he tries 2 b funni in e public again.Luckily,i didn't accept him in e 1st place,if not i dun even noe wat wil b cum of mi 2dae.Not a chance wil i gif ani guy 2 get 2 mi,i no longer wan my life 2 b surrounded by useless mens.If ani useless guys frm my past try 2 contact mi again,i wil make sure i change my num again.I really cant stand nonsenses cumin frm dem,felt really irritated n annoyed now,really dun understand y i can stand dem surroundin mi in e past.Mayb i'm stil ignorant at tat point of time n tink tat frenz r like such.Really feel tat i haf matured a bits by bits s i aged.Thanks god! Finally can get out of e past,i'm at least a little happier den wat i was b4.I b came stronger b it physically or mentally,"dun b bothered" ix really a better way 2 live my life now.At least i wont haf so mani things 2 bother mi at a go.4 wateva tat ix happenin now or in e future 2 cum,i shall juz try my veri best not 2 b bothered n live my life peacefully,b it upset or happi."Life moves on~","Time awaits no 1~".

Wednesday, January 20, 2010 4:01 PM

Received a warnin letter frm company yesterdae mornin,it wasn't a gd start of e dae but tat didn't defeat mi at al.I cant b bothered coz i knew i'm stil young,thr're stil tons of chances 4 mi out thr,juz a change of environment tatz al.I finally pulled my dae through n when e clock striked 6.30pm i wanted 2 rush into e office n change n get out of thr but i saw e crowd so i helped out a little longer den i faster go n change.Went 2 find my aunt coz she wanted 2 let mi noe wat she haf booked 4 mi n she brought mi 2 OG 2 find suitable outfit 4 e trip,didn't really attract mi coz aft al wat she n her husband tink itz nice doesn't apply on mi,our fashion senses r too much of a gap u c.I guess i wil haf 2 get myself those things.Aft tat,went 2 take a bus back coz meetin Reen,Geok n Yvonne at 4 head.Overshot til i reached Boon Lay interchange,guess i was too tired.Boon Lay bus interchange really changed alot,i almost lost my way,luckily i was clever enough 2 follow ppl out of exit.Though i didn't wan 2 waste ani more money stil i rushed 2 take a cab coz i knew my childhood frenz haf been waitin 4 veri long already.I feel lucky 2 stil haf frenz ard mi but too bad,itz a waste i realized sum thing which i tink thr ix no need 2 sae out too clearly,wat i wil do now ix 2 juz play along wif it.

Friday, January 15, 2010 11:52 PM

Juz reached hmz frm trainin not long ago.It haf been a wk plus eva since i last saw him n perhaps we wont b seein ea other even longer.Not really pleasant but i cant gif up on goin 4 trainin juz b coz of him.I needed 2 explain myself clearly ea time so tat ppl wont misunderstand y m i doin al those things.I needed 2 state clearly tat i haf been attendin volleybal trainin not b coz of guys or wat so eva.Itz not important 2 mi at al.If i wan mens,thr're tons of dem in tis world.If ppl really wan 2 noe how much i can sacrifice juz 4 tat little bal,i can sae my life! I shd live my life happier but y ea time when i'm alone,i feel so empty.Itz like i'm lackin of sum 1 2 fulfill e another half part of my life.I knew tis kind of thing cant b rushed if not,i'll b ended up wif useless mens again.Tix lie haf b cum a part of mi.4 so tis few months,I've played tix game actin like it doesn't bother mi ea time they kept on teasin mi abt him.I've been ignorin wat's in mi,pretendin I'm not at al interested,s if bits of feelin I nv haf.Spendin ea n everi dae wif happiness n laughs 4gettin abt e few nitezZ we spent 2gather,avoidin e topic of him might turn out 2 b sum thing gd but e topic of him came out again juz now,seemed like it kind of bother mi a little but i dun tink i shd even react tat way.He haven been attendin trainin 4 a wk plus n i tot by tat whd eventually allows mi 2 take a break frm e match makin session but now i kind of feel like seein him,i dun wan him 2 noe. =p He wil b goin 2 malaysia 4 a match den Feb he wil b joinin beach competition,guess he wont b attendin trainin 4 these few months.Perhaps itz a better way 4 e both of us,a better chance 2 let al e teasin ard shimmer down slowly s months pass den mayb we can juz b like how we 1st started noein ea other.Wat i really needed ix a shoulder 4 mi 2 lean on,a person 2 hug n put mi 2 sled,a listenin ear 2 listen 2 my prob,I JUZ WAN 2 FEEL PAMPERED ONCE AGAIN!

Thursday, January 14, 2010 12:10 AM

B4 u came along,i wasn't even lookin 4 ani 1.S i got 2 noe u,i looked upon u s a frenz.At times u really made mi laugh frm e heart n c things in a whole diff way.Wif u i can speak w/o wonderin wat u might think.I can b mi n u can b u but slowly things begun 2 change.We begun 2 tok even lesser den b4.I dun noe juz wat haf happened but i really hope tat u wil understand tat e way i haf been treatin u al along was purely meant 2 b a frenz kind of thing.I wil nv allow myself 2 fal 4 another man,remember? I really wish my brain whd haf a map 2 tel mi whr my heart shd go so tat i wont haf 2 ponder over such matter.I tink he might haf misunderstood e care n concern i had 4 him,tatz y we're like not really in tokin terms even when he sent mi hmz aft my last wk's trainin.Nowadaes,i realized tat i dun really feel like tokin n perhaps tis wil b a better way.Lesser wdz cumin out frm e mouth means lesser misunderstandin? Ix thr such a sentence? I ain't sure either. =) I dun understand y r al my collegues tryin their best 2 force mi 2 smile whr by smilin ix sum thing frm e heart,y cant they understand itz hard 2 smile when thr's really nothing happi 4 mi 2 smile.I mean yesh,i understand how they're veri concern abt mi coz i haf been complained by customers serveral times s they tink tat i looked veri fierce?! Oh GOSH! Customers nowadaes tend 2 b too overboard huh?! I wont gif in 2 those who i tink itz not worth my service! Ppl who dun understand e way i do things might tink tat i'm veri childish but u guys wil nv b mi,nv b able 2 understand "Y"? Sum times,i rather b alone b coz tatz e oni time i can sit down at a corner n tink abt wat ix wat n whether 2 make a wise decision ix stil up 2 mi at e veri last,i knew i can nv depends on my frenz's advices al e times s i noe they can nv b mi 2 live my life.I really dun wan 2 b so dependant on Reen 4 advices coz i knew she ozo haf her own prob 2 tink abt.I knew i'm capable of noein wat i really wanted but i juz dun noe y i always choose e wrong path 2 turn 2.S years passed,i found out tat my surroundin ix so faked,really disgusted mi alot! Tis ix not e 1st time i so wanted 2 noe y muz human bein b so faked when they can choose 2 b true?! I knew society ix cruel n at times,situation juz doesn't allow us 2 haf a chance 2 b truthful.I knew i cant change human nature n itz juz a life cycle but wat haf it gonna do wif mi n my surroundin?! If u dislike sum 1,cant u juz tel him/her?! Like s if it kills a thousand lives! If u like sum 1,cant u juz show?! It really confuses mi how things really work here.I forced myself not 2 bother abt been like or dislike n i succeed sum how but i really wish 2 noe e reason behind y muz it b so? I tink thr're stil more things 4 mi 2 learn n experience s i age so i shall juz c wat ix behind e scene 2 wat i wan 2 noe.Ok,i tink tat shd b al 4 now.I need 2 go catch sum sled now s i haf 2 wake up earli later 2 go 2 my uncle's hus 2 collect my passport den go 2 my aunt's shop 2 pass her e passport plus book my air ticket.Itz such a pity tat i ain't able 2 make it 2 korea s it haf been fully booked n my aunt's husband suggested tat we shd push e trip 2 Dec since i wanted 2 experience real winter.Wel... Cant beat it coz who ask mi 2 love winter e most! So aft al,we decided 2 go 2 Taiwan s i dun wan 2 go 2 India! Planned 2 go on Feb but DAMM! Haf 2 push 2 March coz thr's no more slot 4 Feb! Plz! Juz let time fly faster yesh! I WAN 2 GET OUT OF HERE! I hope tat aft e trip,i wil c a brand new mi!

Wednesday, January 13, 2010 2:45 AM

Reached hmz ard 1plus am juz now.Finished work at ard 6plus pm,went over Paragon 2 wait 4 Reen den went over 2 ION 2 wait 4 Dian.Aft tat we left 4 Alif 2 meet up wif Geok,Vivian n Yvonne.It was so packed wif ppl so in e end they decided 2 buy sum take-aways frm Macdonald instead n we went back 2 our hus area's void deck.Geok told mi thr was tis tattoo artist who claims tat he noe mi but i dun tink i haf ani collection of noein such a man.Wel... Ani way,it doesn't matter.We sat down but i chose 2 keep quiet n let dem do e tokin,not b coz i was tired,not b coz of ani thing serious.I juz dun feel like tokin at tat point of time,i tink Dian tink tat thr might b sum thing goin on but thr's really nothing yesh.Frm their topics,though i didn't haf ani comment but i cant deny i kind of tink of my pasts n it bothers mi a little.Ppl ard mi always tink tat i'm happi coz i seemed 2 b tat way but nv wil they noe wat i'm really feelin deep inside,nv wil they understand how hard it ix 2 b mi.I might look strong outside,nv wan 2 admit at times when i'm really down coz i dun wan 2 b seen s fragile.I haf boxed up al my emotions n 2 be sheltered ix my goal now.Steel wal I've built ard mi 2 defend myself frm gettin hurt.I always believe tat my heart muz b protected frm e road that lies ahead mi,my eyes muz b prepared 2 c e images tat I dread,4 if itz unexpected I wont noe wat 2 do.I'm afraid 1 dae al those tears I've hidden wil reveal e weakness within mi.